Dad called last night. He mentioned about attending some dinner thing with the family. I thought it was pretty random. My instinct told me that his call was NOT just about the dinner.

And I was right.

After all the random talk, he finally broke the news to us, with incoherent sentences– our very beloved neighbour uncle of 13 years has just passed away on Sunday.

It was cancer…AGAIN! He only started to fall ill 2 weeks ago. It was just too sudden.

I didn’t react to the news, which was strange. I sat there for hours, not knowing how to react. I was confused. “Am I supposed to feel anything? Am I supposed to cry?”

I went to bed feeling very heavy and confused. “An early night usually helps..” I thought.

Stared at the ceiling this morning when I first opened my eyes, felt as if the world was different. Came to work like a zombie, not because of being lethargic but just feeling numb and “autopilot”.

Sat down at my cubicle, went through the entire “checklist” and “diagnosed” that I am going through the first stage of bereavement – numbness.

The good thing is, I am trained and am aware of the grieving process. I know it usually helps when I allow myself to feel everything I feel and not repress my emotions. But I know, I will still need HIS help to go through this.

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