My “dinner” at Brozeit

My favourite grandma has been longing to visit me since I came to Singapore. However, she was always worried that she would trouble or “disturb” me from my work.

Just today, she told me that she is coming in 3 weeks time. In fact, I’m very excited that she is coming and am looking forward to watch the Japanese symphony orchestra with her.

But it made me ponder how I have left this “I-am-so-busy” impression. After all, she has always been my favourite grandma and my priority always goes to her.

Then I realised that whenever we chatted, my topic has always been about my work and how busy I was. Though I was sharing with her about my life genuinely, somehow it got to her that I was always working (which is true, by the way).

Just awhile ago, when I was busy replying my emails from work, my mom talked to me and asked me a few questions. And when I work, my ears turn deaf (I could wear my headphones with no music for hours, without knowing it, too)

My mom was very patient with me. She knew that I was rushing some work and didn’t want to disturb me. I wish she would scold me or throw my laptop away. But, I know she will never do that.

I am feeling very heavy now. I know that I have not been able to spare time for people who love me very much and it troubles me. Whenever I need their attention, they will give it to me unconditionally. But what have I given them in return?

So my second resolution for this year, it is going to be spending more time with people, especially those who love me very much. It is very selfish and lame to say that “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOU” and “I AM ALWAYS BUSY”, because it is not entirely true!

THE WORST THING IS, you have no idea how you have hurt people who care about you because you’re TOO BUSY TO CARE.

Milestones after milestones, plans (only for yourself) after plans, when will we ever finish the infinite race track? It feels like a hamster running on a wheel, round and round it goes – without an end, nor beginning.

I used to tell myself that I would be less busy after 5 years. But frankly, if I don’t change my lifestyle and prioritise, I will NEVER get time for myself and my loved ones. Same as MONEY $$, it will never be enough if one keeps thinking that it won’t be.

Similar to what my mom said to me once when I was asked to give a speech for the very first time:”If you always think you’re not ready, you’ll never be.” I was 6 years old then.

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