I spent 18 years in Malaysia and I never watch the national parade, not even on the TV. My family is never keen to celebrate national day.

After I left Malaysia for Australia, I celebrated Australia Day for several years. I can sing Australia national anthem -”Advance Australia Fair” without lyrics.

It was my friends who invited me passionately each year to celebrate and to share the Australian spirit with me, together with other races. I wondered how one could be so patriotic and SO IN LOVE with his country.

firework
Did not take any photo at Singapore national day firework.This was taken at Perth Royal Show :P

Now I am in Singapore and it just celebrated its 44th birthday. As usual, I was never keen to celebrate any national day. But this year, Don passionately invited me to watch the parade at Clark Quay, where a huge projection screen was set up with live footage from Marina Bay. Of course, the highlight was the fireworks that blast in the sky. Thousands of people squeezed together just get a good place “to stand” to watch the firework.

When the pledge moment came, everyone stood and put their right hand on the chest. I was also asked to stand up.

It was a weird moment. Looking at all the Singaporeans beside me saying the pledge out loud and their heads held high..I wondered why I never had so much “spirit” for my country before. Tear rolled down from my eyes.

After that, I told Don. “It’s great to see that you are so IN LOVE with your country. I wish I could do the same.”

As much as I wanted to be IN LOVE with my country, I just do not why it is so tough. Each time I pick up the newspaper to read the news in Malaysia, I never fail to be heartbroken. I have since stopped reading the “comics” on the newspaper.

Lousy decisions made for “personal economic advantages”. There were right people doing the right things for the country, but were condemned for some reasons. Seeing more and more people leaving the country, I wondered if the government is doing anything “helpful” to bring them back.

I do feel confused about my identity as a Malaysian sometimes. I know I am one but just don’t feel like one. I’m glad that I still have some friends in Singapore who are “originally” from Penang. It is only when we hang out together, the sense of being a “Penangite” comes back to me….

I am so confused..

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