“Really? So fast??!!!” My friends exclaimed.

May be..because I did it full time and it took me 1.5 years only. Working and studying full time was never easy for me but I am glad I managed to pull it through.

When my students complained that they had many assignments and being very very stressed out, I wished I could just roll my eyes and said:”Friend, you have no idea how it is like to work and study full time.”

I am not complaining, because I MADE A CHOICE. Of course I could do it slow and it could take me up to 3 years but that’s not what I want. I made a choice, stuck to it, got the best out of everything….finished. What is there to complain?

Very often we hear more students getting depressed and easily stressed out by school work. Whenever my colleagues and I hear yet, another student being diagnosed with depression due to stress, we just sigh. Looking back at my first cohort of students 4 years ago, the students now are VERY VERY different.

I met an ex-student on a train whom I taught 4 years ago. He is now doing his last semester at uni. The first thing he said to me:“Ms Cherry, life at poly is so much easier. Lecturers were so helpful and they always came to help whenever we struggled. At uni, we had to do everything ourselves – sourcing for materials, debugging…and the deadlines are usually very tight!”

Then I said:“Now you know….last time still complained that we didn’t ‘feed’ you guys enough notes. Wait till you go out and work. It’s a whole new story again.”

If you want a bed of roses and stress-free life….then stay at home, rot on the bed and play games on Facebook 24/7.

“Papa, do you know how much I love you?”

Because my colleague always tells he loves him billion and gazillion times, he challenged the boy,”OK, how much?” *thinking that his son probably couldn’t possibly think of a word that measures more that GAZILLION*

The boy answered:”I don’t have a word to mean how much I love you..”

My colleague was so deeply touched. I was totally blown away.

On the other extreme end…

One day, a friend asked me how he should reply to his boss because his boss sms-ed to thank him for his hard work.

I said,”You can say welcome…or, also thank him for being a nice boss?”

He answered:”Mm..so many thank you’s…..”

“Well, it is not your boss’ first time to say thank you too right? How can saying ‘thank you’ be ‘too many’ times???”

It reminded me of one day, when I quietly think if some are just born being expressive. They have this ability to recognise their feelings, connect it to mind, and verbalise it through words.

Some people find it hard to express gratitude, even to the closest person, and some find saying “I love you” a taboo. These are nice, affirmative and encouraging words….but why is it just so hard for some to verbalise it? Even if it is a win-win situation? I don’t get it…

A homeless family..with kids

Just because “someone” works according to the “book” on the other line- “Oh..because the regulations say so….” this poor lady has no one to turn to. I wonder if she has the ground to even appeal.

Read her story here..

I do understand that such policies are in place so that some “bad hats” cannot reap the benefits from these cheap housing. But, is there also regulation to protect a victim like that woman?

Read more cases here…

I remember attending the first wedding a few years back when I first came to Singapore. What struck me the most is the “red packet” system here. I was pretty intrigued by the “price list” that the guest will generally use as a guideline to contribute the red packet money.

The amount of money you put in the red packet depends on the venue of the wedding banquet (more if the dinner is at the 5-star hotel), time of the wedding (lunch is usually cheaper than dinner, and so is weekdays) and etc.

I have to ask the “veteran” how much to give each time.

It didn’t make sense to me before. I mean, the newly-weds invite their friends and families to witness their wedding and so, give a treat to the guest. But also expect the guest to pay for their meals?

What also surprise me the most is the general comment made by the newly-weds,“the red-packet money can usually cover the cost of the dinner…so not to worry if the banquet cost $1000 per table.”

So the couple chooses to throw a $1000 per table banquet to the guest and “kind-of” expects the guest to pay at least $100 per person so to cover the cost?

Then, what is the true meaning and purpose of throwing a banquet then if it is to give your guest a treat?

And of course, there is a supply-and-demand issue. Some guests pay $60 for the dinner, they also expect to consume as much alcohol and shark fin as possible.

I can’t remember how many times I have read about people’s complains about paying for an expensive banquet but did not get to eat shark fin and abalone. Some even complained about vegetarian banquet or banquet without alcohol because “it is not worth the red packet money that they give”.

I am not saying everyone is like that. Only some. If the money is to be given as a blessing, then so be it. Why complain so much?

Just recently, I attended my friend’s wedding and she married an American. They had simple buffet but it was a wedding that I will remember for life! The groom’s father dressed up as Elvis Presley, sang a few song to entertain the guests.

The coolest dad!

The newly-weds did a Bollywood dance performance in suit and gown, they went around taking photos and everybody talked to everybody (because there was no table but only a handful of chairs). Guests did chicken dance and etc. It was one wedding that was not ABOUT THE FOOD, nor how many gowns the bride change during the banquet!

Suddenly, it reminded me of the weddings that I used to attend in Australia. Simple food but lots of love and interaction! The guests did not just turn up, consume the first to last dish and then bid goodbye. And I often made some new friends in their weddings.

I am glad that my parents are cool about what I like. To them, wedding is not about “face”, nor how many dresses I change and shark fin! So…Definitely no shark fin in my wedding…

Poor sharks…

p/s: No, I. AM. NOT. planning for a wedding…

Now, I must say, my friend is Gen X and I am Gen Y (caught in between). He shared with me that his Gen Y colleagues were generally more self-centered, self-serving and sheltered. Perhaps he guessed, that it was the upbringing and the “sheltered” environment that has changed how people handling issues. So he shared…

My friend told me about a 22 year-old guy who wrote him an email regarding his stock trading class. In his email, the young chap said:

“You mentioned that it costs SGD1,xxx to join your course. Just wondering if you have any credential or certificate? Could you guarantee that I will make money after taking up your course? Could I also ask if there is a money-back guarantee if your student does not make money after a certain period of time?”

His friend replied…

“I suggest that you find a better teach elsewhere. By the way, may I know why you want to take up this course? Do you want to pursue it as a full-time career?”

The young chap answered…

“I do not like to take the train to work in the morning. So I thought this could be an alternative for me.”

Well, I suggest that you can take the bus then…(mine)

Of course, I am not saying that ALL the young chaps nowadays think like that. This is just an “exceptional” case. But it is interesting to see that there are more young chaps look for an easy job, no risk and think that they also deserve the best.

Money-back guarantee for stock trading?? I also want..

Just like the other day, an O level student (16 years old) asked me if studying in XXX diploma can guarantee him a job after he completed it. (He hasn’t even chosen the course nor started it).

Wow I thought: if you know such a course exists that can guarantee you a job even before you start, let me know…co’s I also want to join that course.

So I gently replied:“Well, I think the only one who can answer you that, is God himself.”

It doesn’t even fit in my handbag.

Sounds funny that I have to bring up a huge giant panel if I want to show my friend a photo.

Emmmm….

Whenever I hear this comment, it always creates some sort of ripples in my head…

A very typical runaway statement.

It is funny how we react to difficulties and challenges. Is it our default survival instinct that we would look for an exit whenever we face a problem?

Awhile ago, I told a friend that I hoped to move to a country for x period of time. The reason I gave was that I wanted to see the world.

Then, he asked:“Really?”

“Yeah…why not? I love to travel, remember?” I answered.

But later that day when I was on the way home, I quietly reflected on why I “felt” the urge of moving out. The key was the “urge”. I don’t think anyone would feel that “urgency” and “desperation” to travel if one is genuinely just interested to see the world.

Then I realised – I was running away from a problem.

The problem was not obvious to me then, it was just subtly affecting me emotionally. As usual, a quiet time to be still is all I needed to think, talk and reflect. Surprisingly, the “urge to leave the country” subsided after I recognised and rectified the problem.

Sigh…not sure if it is because of those dramas and Hollywood movies that show people “romantically” travel to far far land when they have problems, leaving their loved ones behind, backpacked and starting a new life at some deserted land…bla bla bla…

And every time I heard the similar comment, I would just laugh to myself…because I am also like that. I hope time would change me…to face the problem boldly and not just “leaving the country”. HAH!

After a year, he is back in my class again.:)

In class today…

SS: Er..have you done anything to your face? Sculpting or…something? (Ya, I think I heard the “sculpting”)

Me: Aiya…It’s OK. I’ve accepted that aging doesn’t necessary carry a negative connotation. I’m happy if I’ve become mature compared to last year. Don’t worry, no offense taken!
——————————————————————————————————-
And there I was, feeling liberated after responding like that. In fact, strangely, it actually came from the bottom of my heart!

I used to dislike the fact that I always look more mature than my peers. I even look more mature than some who are older than me. Many guessed my age = “my actual age + 3“. Frankly, I so totally hated it.

When I first join as an academic staff, people used to misunderstand me as one of the students. Though I am still the youngest staff here, I don’t get that “Eh? You’re a staff?” anymore.

Don’t get me wrong though. I am glad that I am not seen as a “young girl” anymore. I am glad that I have “stepped up”. Imagine, it is quite worrying if I am still perceived as the “young and sweet” one (as what my ex-boss used to comment that) after 4 years of teaching here. *shudder*

Why did I feel liberated though I am officially aging? Recently, I have come to learn that it is the society and culture that put aging in such a bad and shameful light.

Aging gracefully…

from Maryland Department of Aging

I am not as ignorant as I am 22. “Aging is not just decay, it’s growth.” One said before.

I am glad that I am who I am today, and what I have been through in the past. I understand and know more about life now. I understand myself better, and have dealt with my insecurities.

You know, most people would say “I wish I am 23 again.” But seldom or never you hear “I wish I’m 55″.

Surely, we have more energy to do more things when we are younger. But I think as we grow older and wiser, we are able to enjoy the world in different perspectives and light, something that we could not see when we were younger.

Once, I told my students in class. “I think I do not have regrets if I die today..” It shocked my students a bit. But I said:“Because I think I’ve done what I could and MORE for my age. Surely I look forward to what will be revealed to me for years to come. But I’m not looking backwards and think that I had an unfulfilled lives.”

I like what Morrie said in Tuesdays with Morrie:“How can I be envious of where you are – when I’ve been there myself?”

I think I am starting to embrace aging. I hope I will revisit this entry if I am shaken again in the future.

“Did you think much about death before you got sick?”

“No”. Morrie smiled. “Like I said, no one really believes they’re going to die.”

“Why is it so hard to think about dying?”

“Because, most of us all walk around as if we’re sleepwalking. We really don’t experience the world fully, because we’re half asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do.”

“And facing death changes all that?”

“Oh yes. You strip away all that stuff and you focus on the essentials. When you realise you are going to die, you see everything much differently. Learn how to die, and you learn how to live.”

“The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it.”

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things that they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

-Extracted from Tuesdays with Morrie

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Friends asked me what my 2010 new year resolutions were before I leave for Kalimantan. I didn’t know how to answer because I wasn’t even sure what I really wanted in 2010. Every morning, the first thing I did when I opened my eyes was to spend a good 5 minutes gazing at my ceiling, thinking what I had to “contribute” to create meanings for the day. I dreaded to start my day if I could not find one. And none of it has got to do with material good.

I wonder if I have come to this stage too early for my age: to think about the meaning of my life, my work and the things that matter to me the most.

After coming back from spending a week with the villagers, orphans and my team member of 20, I realised one thing: I am searching for purpose and meaning, not from material goods but from loving and receiving love from the people around me.

I saw how “ibu” (means mother in malay) devotes her life to take care of her orphans. Though the orphans have to leave the orphanage when they become teenagers, she still faithfully grooms them, educates them and teaches them life skills. Some may or may not even return to the home. I wonder how she feels when an orphan has to leave after 10 years of her cares.

I fell very ill one day at the orphanage. I vomited so many times that I could hardly swallow a droplet of liquid. There I was lying on the wooden floor gasping to breathe from stomach cramps and dehydration. The funny thing that I needed the most was not the medicine but the presence of my loved ones. Friends came around with concerns, some held my hands, brought me Yakult, water, tea and one cooked me potato soup. Don came to check on me so many times with medicine and occasional touches on my forehead though he was also busy attending to other sick team members. I was very touched.

Last night, I picked up the book – “Tuesdays with Morrie” from library. Finally, I found the answer to my endless search for meanings. I have been sleepwalking. I have been going after things that do not “fill me”.

My resolution for 2010, just one: Continue to search for the “true meaning” to live for my remaining years, as though as I’m living the last day of my life. I know it is not easy, and I am not even sure if I could ever find it. But at least I’ll try….:)

Talking about “meaning”, I have the most meaningful Christmas. No santa claus, no big feast, no colourful neon lights and loud christmas songs…just LOVE..lots of LOVE.

Fell asleep on my most comfortable shoulder…I wish I could swap place with this boy

“As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on – in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.” said Morrie.

Will update about my trip later.

My response was:“I agree, but don’t you think we all do the same, all the time?”

Who this “SHE” is, is not important. But the discussion made me realised something: We all do that, all the time.

Whether we like it or not, unconsciously, we always put the fingers at others first before we could even think twice. It is so easy to complain how “unhelpful” our colleagues are, how “unreasonable” our bosses are and etc.

Come and think of it, is expectation to be blamed in this situation? Does that mean they are “bad” if others do not behave what we expect them to do?

Why do we say that our colleagues are not helpful? Is it because we “expect” them to help us while they don’t? As what we always say:“Com’on! It’s common sense that he/she should come and do this!!!”

But how “common” is common sense?

Just as how sometimes people complain about their spouses, how insensitive, unloving and unromantic. Do we have the “common” image in our mind that our spouses should open the car door for us, call us everyday, cook us dinner every night? If they fail to do so, they are insensitive or unloving?

So, because of expectation, we fall into self-victimisation mode if things do not turn out the way we expect them to be. An issue that may or may not be what we see as “bad” also becomes something “REAL BAD“.

Somehow, the brain seems to process the situation in the same manner when we are in bad situation:
1) EXPECTATION: If met, -END-

If not, -> OH! I am victimised! -> By WHO? -> WHY?

And it takes awhile to reach what “ME” got to do with the situation. I too, struggle to reverse the process. It always take a loooooooong time for me to learn that I am indeed, not victimised by others. In fact, it is us who have the power to decide if we ARE indeed victimised or not.

The perspective matters here.