A picture of my first crush!!!! (the guy circled in blue) I was only five.

I remember kissing him on his cheek everyday, especially when my teacher was teaching. I have no idea why I did that and where I learned that from. He was always very shy. And no, he never kissed me back. -_-

But, I had a very good friend when I was 4. This boy treated me very well. During playtime, he was the first one ran out of the class to grab one of the swings for me. I love swing and it was always the most popular thing at the playground.

I know I wasn’t paying attention. I was only 4!! And the rest were 5!

He fed me lunches, he lent me his colour pencils and went home with me after school. He was 5 years old. I joined the 5 year-old class then because there wasn’t any class for kids younger than 5.

So, I was transferred to another kindergarten when I was 5. We lost contact and I hopeless “fell in love” with another boy, whom I kissed everyday. This boy didn’t even treat me nice. -_-

I have such a dramatic life… started as young as 4 years old.
See my account on poking a boy’s hand with my colour pencil.

–noun
1. shelter or protection from danger, trouble, etc.: to take refuge from a storm.
2. a place of shelter, protection, or safety.
3. anything to which one has recourse for aid, relief, or escape

The lack of updates is an indication of my stress level. I am trying to cope with stress everyday. I wouldn’t say that I am going through a huge storm, but I am going through a “pruning process” instead.

prune [proon]

–verb
3. to rid or clear of (anything superfluous or undesirable).

Lots of trials and challenges everyday, they test my patience, wisdom and selflessness. I only hope that going through these trials would make me a “pruned” person.

It’s hard to consciously knowing that I am under stress (so used to it…almost like a routine). But I do know that one would explicitly behave a certain way when going through an intensive stress. My stress manifests in this:

It all started one day when I was extremely stressed out in class. I almost stomped out of class and was having migraine. Instead of going to my colleague and whined about it, I took a slow stroll out of the campus for breathing space and self-internalisation.

There and then, I found this place – THE PRATA PARADISE

I ordered a cheese sausage prata and gobbled it in tears. It relieved me from my stress and migraine. I FELT GOOD AND ALIVE!

Since then, I have been a regular customer there. More so when I am stressed out. My brain will tell me to walk there though sometimes I resist it (because I know it is unhealthy).

This whole prata experience helps me a lot. For once, I never liked eating alone. But now, I look forward to the “my prata and I” moment.

As you can see from the picture above, YES, I eat it with sugar AND curry. AND yes, that makes the curry sweet and salty…yet, crunchy with undissolved white sugar. IT IS HEAVENLY TASTY!

What and where is your “refuge”?

“Hey…I know that place! I used to do…”

“It would be nice to be back again…” etc etc

Though I always have the choice to pack my bag and to “venture to another country” anytime, I’ve chosen to forgo this freedom. I called it the “freedom to lose the freedom“.

Many have told me:“You should have gone to Sydney! Better opportunity there! The exposure..and everything”

Ask me last year, I would have agreed.

But this time, I have chosen the other path. I am staying here, to complete my studies and for as long as I am needed here.

I like the freedom to be able to lose the freedom to move around. Simply because, I have the freedom to choose what I cherish the most. I don’t think what’s BEST FOR ME ALONE works for me now. I have to think what is best for two.

I know it well that I would be ended up staying in Australia for many years to come if I go, leaving once again what I have built in Singapore. You see, most of my friends do not last for 5 years.

My friend TH told me,“We must be friends for more than 5 years, ok?”

Though I nodded back then, I can’t help having the second thought behind my mind. These people have become my secondary family members.

For the first time, I actually STOPPED thinking of moving away. You see, I started to move around since I was 6 years old. My first stop was leaving to another state to pursue my studies in a primary school that I HAD CHOSEN by myself.

I remember telling my mom when I was 5, that I wanted to move to Penang to study in a particular school. She had to send me off in tears.

After high school, I chose to go to the States to do my degree. Once again, she was upset because “it was too far”. Thus Australia. And again, she sent me off in tears….many many times for years.

When I was working in Australia, I never stopped thinking of moving to other countries. I applied jobs in several countries. Subsequently, I moved to Singapore, which I told myself that I would move again after 2-3 years.

I made my decision to stay just last week. I thought it was going to be tough but boy I felt good! Never thought making a decision like this could be this easy…I guess because I have learned what is best and most important to me now.

Is that what people called “settling down“? It was never in my dictionary but now I think it is.:)

I called it, the JACKPOT.

Aren’t they lovely? They are only 2 weeks old.

Frankly, I used to find it hard to comprehend how a mother would do the same thing around the clock – feed, burp, put the baby to sleep and change diaper. Then it starts all over again, a routine and cycle that runs repetitively around 24 hours for a few months!!

But after dropping by for 2 days in a row now, my perception has changed. In fact, I surprised myself for just watching the babies slept for 2 hours. ME, sitting there doing anything for 2 hours! Any tiny movement excited me too. I just want to wait for them to wake up again and smile at me. The 2-hour is completely worth it!

So far, their routines have been very timely. They wake up for feeding every 2 hours, and go back to sleep again. That’s what a baby do anyway. So to catch them with their eyes wide open is very rare. Sometimes I just want to annoy them by poking their cheeks and tickling their feet if they oversleep a bit. I am so addicted to fond of their scents, too! Nothing beats a newborn natural scent, man.

It never fails to melt my heart when their tiny hands grab my finger. I just go soft and melt like a glue.

Aww…

I have been helping out in feeding and changing diapers. I must say, baby’s poo poo no longer freaks me out.

Signs to show that I have officially crossed the “mid-20s” mark to “late 20s”.

For the past one year,
- I’ve attended more weddings than my last 24 years’ combined. More upcoming this year.
- I was friend’s bridesmaid – 3 times.
- Did friend’s wedding decor and flower arrangement (my first time but it was fun!)
- Celebrated friends’ arrival of new borns – countless times.
- I received updates of friends’ engagements and wedding – almost every week!
- My colleagues’ and friends’ kids called me AUNTIE.
- Started to think about property investment and insurance.
- Started to realise that I still have so much to accomplish before turning 30.

Nonetheless, I think I have achieved much for the past 1 year and am looking forward to my 27th birthday! I wonder what the world will bring to me from now till march 2010.

No birthday celebration is complete without spending it with friends and loved ones.

Thank you all for being part of my 26 years! You guys played a part in making who I am today.

It is just the 9th day of 2009 and I am already showing sign of aging??

Just yesterday, I spotted at least 16 cafe au lait spots on both of my arms. I touched, pressed, squeezed and scratched them hard and they are still there! *Note: not advisable to do so because it may cause inflammation*

They are not bumps nor cysts, not itchy nor painful, just some horrible-looking brown spots all over my arms!!

I told myself that may be, it was some allergic reaction and they should be gone when I woke up, like ta-da!!! I’m beautiful again.

But no!!! They became darker this morning.

This afternoon, I complained to babe during lunch, and she said..

“Aiya..they are aging spots lah!! Like freckles…”

In total shock and denial…

“HUH??!!! HOW COULD IT BE?? They just appeared last night!!! Out of the blue!!”

“Aiya…you played golf last week right?? Must be the sun lah…HAHAHAHA!”

“NO!!! I did not go under the sun…”

“Then it’s age spots lah… very common what…”

*”May be she’s right. I have been going under the sun without sun block…all the golfing under scorching sun”*

Just as I thought thing couldn’t get any worse, my very dear fellow senior lecturer colleague whom I dearly addressed as “Uncle C***” said,“I am sure it is age spots. LOOK!! Like mine!!!”

Then he placed his arm next to mine and pointed his aged spots to me… “SEE! SAME!!”

I felt like the world has crumbled on me.

“Wait! I call Don..”

And of course, he wasn’t able to answer my call so I texted him.

Meanwhile, I called my mom. Thought may be she could tell me something comforting advise me.

And you know what she said??

“Aiya…..must be because you turned 26 and all the age spots decided to ‘pop’ at the same time…” Followed by hysterical laughters.

This kind of response is never well received, especially being the vulnerable self. But mom being mom, she asked me to think if I have taken any unusual food recently.

Minutes later, Don replied. “Hmm..let me take a look.”. Frankly, I thought that was the most comforting and hopeful statement that I have long to hear.

Somehow my “logical and rational mind didn’t analyse” the spots as age spots…not because I was in denial ok.

And of course when I finally met Don, he took a close look and concluded:”Nah…not age spots. It could be just a post-inflammatory xxxxxx”

I didn’t catch what he said after the “inflammatory” because that word has given me enough shock that my hearing became muffled.

“What INFLAMMATORY?? WHY?? HOW?? I didn’t do anything..!!”

“Could be due to insect bites and the reaction…Don’t worry, it should go away after 2 week..”

“AFTER 2 WEEKS!!?? SO LONG!! Man.. I am so ugly…*sob*”

I can’t recall any insect bite nor taking any unusual food nor medication. Perhaps I should just wait to see if they fade away after 2 weeks. 14 days and counting… I AM SERIOUSLY COUNTING!! ARGH!!

I have received several feedbacks from my email and msn. It is interesting to read about their observations and views on how I related to each picture. Surprisingly, some readers (who do not know me in person) also gave me their understanding about me, from my blog!

I can’t post the emails and msn messages. So one reader suggested that I repost this entry so they can share their views here. Soooo…there you go..!

This…

OR this..?

I get this comment every now and then. I can’t remember who started it but it is getting more frequent now.

Natasha always buys me clothing and fashion accessories from her trips and she would say:”I saw this top and think it was very YOU!”

Even when I wore her “presents”, people also commented the same thing – “This is VERY YOU!”

Some also commented that the illustration in my banner is also very “ME”.

I didn’t think too much about it because after all, I love those items. I assumed that it was pretty much about my “fashion sense and style”. (Though I am still not sure what “style” is)

But now I started to wonder…what have I done that contributeed to the SO-YOU thing.

What do you think which is SO ME? This?

Or this?

However, one fine day when I chatted with a friend of mine randomly about the sky, moon and dog…(Duh, it is just a metaphor.) Then, out of the blue, he quipped:”That’s SO YOU man!!”

I was quite taken aback and with a bit of defensiveness and curiousity, I demanded an answer with my “trademark queeny-broken-wrist”: “What do you mean by THAT???”

“SEE! SEE! Your “dono-what-broken-wrist!”

“Whatever…”

“Who WILL actually go and tell some random strangers where the food court is? Especially if people don’t even ask you?”

OK. The “prequel” is this: I was at Bugis one day and overheard an old couple’s conversation:”Eh?!! Where is the food court?!!”

In a split second, there I was standing behind them:”Upstairs. It has moved to the top floor.”

To me, it was a very spontaneous and natural thing. But to my friends, they think it is very “not singaporean”. (Of course what…I am not Singaporean what…)

Anyway, it sets me thinking, SO OTHERS KNOW ME BETTER THAN I KNOW MYSELF? Do WE, “brand” ourselves unconsciously? If so, is this “branding” the so-called” personality” and “identity“?

So what is “very singaporean” then?

DO YOU KNOW YOURS?

You see, I am always interested in counselling. Though I have done counselling a few times before (both formally and informally), I didn’t quite do it the “professional” way. (you know, model questions, framework etc). Rather, I used my “common sense”, experience and sensitivity most of the time. *grin sheepishly*

As you can read from my previous entry, I have discovered my new passions and purposes. It was mostly because of the people whom I have chatted since my birthday. (yeah, just happened to be on the same day) Just these 2 weeks, I have met 1 mentor from church, 2 counsellors and 3 troubled students. I must say, I have learned a lot from them and they have also made me realised how much I have changed since last year (my perspectives and world views especially)

It all started from meeting the mentor at church. That was my first time talking to counsellor and mentor. Though our conversation wasn’t really about her job, it gave me opportunity to assess her job, her commitment in counselling as well as her influence towards her client.

And subsequently, I also had a chance to meet several students who had issues with family and relationship. As much as I wanted to help them, I also wished to do it the “right” and “effective” way.

I am glad that my class starts at the right time!

Let me share with you what I have learned so far, and I think it is very useful for everyone, too.

The Myth of Counselling

1) It is for “Crazy people”.
Not a place for people to find out if they’re crazy, rather, to seek support.

2) The counsellor judges, analyses clients, gives client a solution or command clients to follow a set of instructions.
Rather, counsellor and client shares a unique relationship in which counsellor acts as a mirror to help the client to see and hear himself/herself.

3) Counsellor gives solution or commands instruction.
Counsellor helps clients to explore resources, clarify their perceptions through meaningful and well-informed choices and through of any emotional or interpersonal problems.

Previously, I still thought counsellor gives solutions.

The techniques that we learned are mostly questioning techniques. The questions help the clients to reflect their emotions, views, options and even choices that they have. As we were warned, sometimes we could also open a can of worm! Hah!

Human is such a complicated creature and my interest towards psychology is increasing everyday. The next thing you know, I may even pursue psychology studies in the near future!

THIS IS NOT AN APRIL’S FOOL JOKE!

I call him..the “naughty boy”

But most of all, I have found my new loves, zeals and purposes!

I can’t remember how many times we have jumped for this picture.