14 June 07
Can we just be friends?
How often do you come across a great friend (of opposite sex) who ends up wanting to be “more than just friends”?
He/she is witty, funny, makes you laugh, smart and understands you from inside out and yet, you only want to be friends.
As what people called it, a PLATONIC friendship.
My question is: Can men and women be friends (I mean…close friends)? I mean, a friend who is always there for you, lends you a shoulder when you weep, talks about everything under the sun…
Most of my guy friends do not believe in platonic friendship but surprisingly, the ladies do. So why is it so hard to maintain a good relationship (friendship) without crossing the line?
Posted under Thoughts & musings | [8] Comments
June 14th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
ooo…I like this posting…I would love to be close friends with the girls that I like (initially) but then somehow on the way, I will cross the line because if I don’t try, I will never know whether we should bring it to a higher level of relationship. That’s really a risk because the girl may not see you in the same light anymore (that’s what I think but maybe it’s really not true). Girls are way more mature…hahaha. And it’s hard to become normal close friends back once you have crossed the line. It can be done but it’s hard. Never succeeded…maybe I stop keeping in touch? Only myself to blame…
June 14th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
I have to say that I used to believe strongly in the men and women can be plain platonic friends, nothing more.
However, over the years, I realise that somehow, somewhere, someone will cross that line and start developing feelings. Which is all good if you feel the same. If not, it’s plain downhill from there.
June 14th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
I think that it is the most natural thing that line of friendship between opposite sex is crossed oftenly (at the mental realm, at least)…its genetics!
Affection developed over time especially if there were positive and deep interactions between two people at the mental and emotional level.This is unavoidable.
The difference is at the physical level,what one decides to do with such affection. Some will try take it to the next level (Therefore the other party would get to know about it and perhaps laments on why platonic friendship is non-existant). Some will never entertain such thought it as it could be a relationship that is socially unacceptable.
So, what do you do if you are the one on the other side of the fence that hope for a platonic relationship? Nothing..but acceptance…accept that it is natural for such things to occur, accept that you would treat her/him as how you would treat a friend and most importantly accept that the “friendship” in the past is going to be slightly different for the time being. As whether the friendship will ever be back to where it used to be…it remains to be discovered…just give it some time.
June 15th, 2007 at 12:38 am
I’ve just talked about this with the original poster and came to realize it puts both guys and ladies who involve in platonic relationship extremely difficult to regain their “previous” best friendship once one party has crossed the line.
When it comes to being single, I guess it also partially because we have some “platonic” friends who are achieving more than what a BGR (Boy/Girl Relationship) can do; for example, no strings attached or the word COMMITMENT, which, ladies and gentleman, are feared by many individuals.
So single men and women should decide whether to continue or keep this platonic relationship. For guys, they are the initiators, and I totally agree with “White and Red Roses” in the sense that if you’ve never crossed, how would you know what the response will be. It could be good, it could be bad, 50/50 chance. My question is, is it worth risking the perfect friendship. It will surely be ruined and it could never be the same again knowing that the other person has feelings for you. I guess time will be the right cure afterall… just my thoughts.
June 17th, 2007 at 11:05 am
Both parties involved in a “platonic” relationship, as you said, would open themselves to each other. In the process, there is mutual appreciation of each other’s actions. Eventually, one party or the other would feel so cared for that they will decide to bring the relationship to another level, being a couple.
Under normal circumstances, the other party, being so close to this other person, wouldn’t have the heart to turn him or her down. So hence, Cupid’s arrow has found it’s away to a newborn boy-girl relationship.
I agree with the previous posters about how hard it is to go back to where they started after they have crossed the line. Being in two failed relationships myself (and at the losing end of it, furthermore), I know how terrible and awkward it is. This other person, whom you’ve cared for, spent times with, being intimate with, is now a normal friend. It’s really awkward for the two people to co-exist in the same location as normal friends. It can be done (females have it down to a science), but usually both parties just choose to ignore each other.
Juts my two cents.
June 17th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
wow..it is amazing to read every single line of your comments, especially from guy’s perspectives.
I do agree that most of the times, friendship may be jeopardize once a party crossed the line. It’s so difficult to remain as close friends as before, which is a shame I reckon. Such is life!!! *sigh*
June 18th, 2007 at 8:08 am
I am not only believe! I think everyone need at least one of those friend! Whether it will turn into different kind of friendship, it depand on a lot of factors, until those factors rise and become a mutual committment, we need friends,…a lot of lot of friends.
LY.Tai
June 28th, 2007 at 8:12 am
Hi, I happened to surf by and I’ve found this conversation very interesting. I think it is fair to say that platonic friendship is possible if both parties are honest with everything they talked about, and confront their personal feelings out front.
I was once caught in such a relationship where I crossed the line, but luckily my friend was honest and accommodating. Now, we matured from it and we are greatest friends ever. So from my experience, I believe it is possible.