I went to a friend’s house on Saturday. His mom just came back from a haircut. The first few seconds she saw me even before I could react, she said:“I know, it’s ugly…”

“No…I don’t think so. I think it is pretty modern.” I grinned.

Touching her hair while looking at the mirror, “Well, may be I just need a little styling.”

So I went to join my friend for a chat in the living room. She came out and her son saw her new hairstyle. He frowned a little. Somehow, his mom picked that up.

“I know, I know you’re going to say it’s ugly right?”

My friend didn’t answer.

“I plan to dye it and trim it later.” Then she turned to me. “My son is not proud of me.” And she walked to the kitchen.

I looked at my friend in shock and whispered. “WHY DID YOU SAY THAT???!!!”

My friend frowned and said,“No, I never say that.”

It was bothering with me, especially her expression. The scene kept playing in my mind for hours. At the end, I decided to talk to my friend.

You see, we may not make a comment as “I’m not proud of you” but little harmless comments that we’ve made along the way could lead the recipient thinking that way. Women in general are quite sensitive towards comments made about their appearances. Perhaps, in the past my friend has mentioned something about her clothing, the way she dresses. The speaker may not literally mean “I’m not proud of you” but the comments or criticism made in the past may have been perceived by the recipient the other way.

He exclaimed:“Oh NO!!”

My friend said the mom was joking. To me, it wasn’t. A comment like “my son is not proud me” could be put in a joking manner but, some jokes are meant to carry meanings. Otherwise, why would a thought like this come to her mind?

Body language and eye contact was another thing that I picked up when she said that. It was obvious that she was a little upset.

“You need to reassure your mom.” I said. “Insecurity kicks in sometimes when a woman crosses certain age. Aiya, just don’t make stupid comments about how a lady looks, regardless how old she is.”

“Instead of picking up times that she doesn’t dress well, give her compliments when she dresses well. Then she will remember times that she has dressed well and will continue to dress well”

When people complimented my mom on her dressing, she is always very proud and jokes:“That’s because my daughters encourage me to dress well. They don’t like to see me in auntie’s clothes.”

Frankly, I was really put off with a comment made to me about the fat around my tummy once. People who heard the comment said it was insane. Nat exclaimed:“PLLLEEEEEEAAASE lah!! That you called FAT??!!

I knew it was crazy but somehow when I looked at the mirror, the little statement surfaced – LOOK! FAT around the tummy. It took me 3 days to get over it. -_-

Then there is another group of women who is constantly asking:“Do I look fat in this dress?” “Is my thigh big?” etc etc etc. And whatever answer the man gives, it never pleases them. Say nice also cannot. They think you’re just patronizing them. Say NOT NICE, you’re digging your own grave. :D

Anyway, my point is, be EXTRA sensitive when making comments about woman’s appearance. Everyone likes compliments. Just do it with genuine heart. Don’t compliment when you don’t mean it. Body language and eye contact will give you away.

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