said Morrie.

“Did you think much about death before you got sick?”

“No”. Morrie smiled. “Like I said, no one really believes they’re going to die.”

“Why is it so hard to think about dying?”

“Because, most of us all walk around as if we’re sleepwalking. We really don’t experience the world fully, because we’re half asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do.”

“And facing death changes all that?”

“Oh yes. You strip away all that stuff and you focus on the essentials. When you realise you are going to die, you see everything much differently. Learn how to die, and you learn how to live.”

“The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it.”

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things that they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

-Extracted from Tuesdays with Morrie

———————————————————————————
Friends asked me what my 2010 new year resolutions were before I leave for Kalimantan. I didn’t know how to answer because I wasn’t even sure what I really wanted in 2010. Every morning, the first thing I did when I opened my eyes was to spend a good 5 minutes gazing at my ceiling, thinking what I had to “contribute” to create meanings for the day. I dreaded to start my day if I could not find one. And none of it has got to do with material good.

I wonder if I have come to this stage too early for my age: to think about the meaning of my life, my work and the things that matter to me the most.

After coming back from spending a week with the villagers, orphans and my team member of 20, I realised one thing: I am searching for purpose and meaning, not from material goods but from loving and receiving love from the people around me.

I saw how “ibu” (means mother in malay) devotes her life to take care of her orphans. Though the orphans have to leave the orphanage when they become teenagers, she still faithfully grooms them, educates them and teaches them life skills. Some may or may not even return to the home. I wonder how she feels when an orphan has to leave after 10 years of her cares.

I fell very ill one day at the orphanage. I vomited so many times that I could hardly swallow a droplet of liquid. There I was lying on the wooden floor gasping to breathe from stomach cramps and dehydration. The funny thing that I needed the most was not the medicine but the presence of my loved ones. Friends came around with concerns, some held my hands, brought me Yakult, water, tea and one cooked me potato soup. Don came to check on me so many times with medicine and occasional touches on my forehead though he was also busy attending to other sick team members. I was very touched.

Last night, I picked up the book – “Tuesdays with Morrie” from library. Finally, I found the answer to my endless search for meanings. I have been sleepwalking. I have been going after things that do not “fill me”.

My resolution for 2010, just one: Continue to search for the “true meaning” to live for my remaining years, as though as I’m living the last day of my life. I know it is not easy, and I am not even sure if I could ever find it. But at least I’ll try….:)

Talking about “meaning”, I have the most meaningful Christmas. No santa claus, no big feast, no colourful neon lights and loud christmas songs…just LOVE..lots of LOVE.

Fell asleep on my most comfortable shoulder…I wish I could swap place with this boy

“As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on – in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.” said Morrie.

Will update about my trip later.

Posted under Thoughts & musings | [3] Comments 

Destination: Kalimantan

Will spend my Christmas there this year. Look forward to share my experience there when I get back.

Merry Christmas!!

Posted under Travel | 1 Comment 

Had 2 revelations on 2 types of F&B 2 days ago, things that I have been consuming or seeing on a regular basis.

First, the MOS burger.

The counter is situated right in front of a grocery shop where I have been shopping regularly but never thought of trying it. A friend suggested that we should have our dinner there.

Ordered a burger (duh! We were at MOS burger hello..)

Then the waiter came, serving us 3 nicely wrapped burgers. When I unwrapped mine, I saw this…

Should have seen the expression on my face when I unwrapped it.

“Eh!!! Where are the buns!!!????” There were just loads of green lettuce burying a piece of teriyaki chicken.

My friend took a closer look…“Oh ya…where IS the bun?”

So I wanted to ask the guy who made my “burger”. But somehow I felt that I could probably make a fool of myself asking such stupid question. Nonetheless, I went.

“Ahh…x’cuse me…Where is the bun?”

The guy gave me a blank look and said:“The one you ordered doesn’t come with buns.”

Feeling being”victimised” (a natural thinking process – see my previous post), I went to check the picture on the menu again. For real, the one I ordered really looked like this (WITHOUT THE BUN!)

Picture from MOS website

Great…how would I “assume” that there were buns?? It is indeed an optical illusion. My brain automatically “added” an image of buns to the picture.

Com’on, a burger without buns is not a burger ok. I joked to my friend,

“Perhaps it is ‘designed’ for weight-conscious ladies who want to eat burger, but not the bun. But and again, doesn’t it defeat the purpose of dining at MOS BURGER? I can just easily order a teriyaki chicken, right?”

So why do you think they serve this “burger” without buns?

——————————————————————————————————

The same night after the “embarassing” dining experience, I “ritually” took out a mini packet of milo from my fridge for my nightly consumption before going to bed. By the way, it is very comforting to drink it slowly from the straw while lying on the sofa, which I have been doing it for a year. (May be at this point, you may be thinking that I am such a big baby)

Half way consuming it, I suddenly recalled that the bigger packet of milo which I just had 3 days ago didn’t taste as good as this. So I checked the manufacturing details and saw this…

Yeah..nothing “special” right? Just an ordinary milo packaging.

But if you look closely, the top-left banner is written in VIETNAMESE. The boy also looks pretty much like Viet/Chinese. I WAS DRINKING A VIETNAMESE MILO without physically being there!!

My conclusion is: Vietnamese milo taste better than Malaysia/Singapore one. Next time you should try one if you happen to see it.

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Over the weekends, Don asked a question:“Why does she always think of others as the evil ones? Isn’t she too quick to judge?”

My response was:“I agree, but don’t you think we all do the same, all the time?”

Who this “SHE” is, is not important. But the discussion made me realised something: We all do that, all the time.

Whether we like it or not, unconsciously, we always put the fingers at others first before we could even think twice. It is so easy to complain how “unhelpful” our colleagues are, how “unreasonable” our bosses are and etc.

Come and think of it, is expectation to be blamed in this situation? Does that mean they are “bad” if others do not behave what we expect them to do?

Why do we say that our colleagues are not helpful? Is it because we “expect” them to help us while they don’t? As what we always say:“Com’on! It’s common sense that he/she should come and do this!!!”

But how “common” is common sense?

Just as how sometimes people complain about their spouses, how insensitive, unloving and unromantic. Do we have the “common” image in our mind that our spouses should open the car door for us, call us everyday, cook us dinner every night? If they fail to do so, they are insensitive or unloving?

So, because of expectation, we fall into self-victimisation mode if things do not turn out the way we expect them to be. An issue that may or may not be what we see as “bad” also becomes something “REAL BAD“.

Somehow, the brain seems to process the situation in the same manner when we are in bad situation:
1) EXPECTATION: If met, -END-

If not, -> OH! I am victimised! -> By WHO? -> WHY?

And it takes awhile to reach what “ME” got to do with the situation. I too, struggle to reverse the process. It always take a loooooooong time for me to learn that I am indeed, not victimised by others. In fact, it is us who have the power to decide if we ARE indeed victimised or not.

The perspective matters here.

Posted under Thoughts & musings | 1 Comment 

On a train…2 teenagers were talking, the guy looked like a korean while the girl was a caucasian.

“Hey, look! Do you think the guy there is good-looking?” I whispered to Don.

“No.” He replied without hesitation.

“Why? I really think he is very very handsome!” I grinned.

“You have a weird taste!” Don answered.

Both went into a 5-second-silence. Then he looked at me with a sheepish smile.

Looking right back into his eyes…“Yeah..I do have a weird taste, don’t I?” Followed by a bigger grin.

Posted under Random ramblings | [5] Comments