I have finally completed my master!

“Really? So fast??!!!” My friends exclaimed.

May be..because I did it full time and it took me 1.5 years only. Working and studying full time was never easy for me but I am glad I managed to pull it through.

When my students complained that they had many assignments and being very very stressed out, I wished I could just roll my eyes and said:”Friend, you have no idea how it is like to work and study full time.”

I am not complaining, because I MADE A CHOICE. Of course I could do it slow and it could take me up to 3 years but that’s not what I want. I made a choice, stuck to it, got the best out of everything….finished. What is there to complain?

Very often we hear more students getting depressed and easily stressed out by school work. Whenever my colleagues and I hear yet, another student being diagnosed with depression due to stress, we just sigh. Looking back at my first cohort of students 4 years ago, the students now are VERY VERY different.

I met an ex-student on a train whom I taught 4 years ago. He is now doing his last semester at uni. The first thing he said to me:“Ms Cherry, life at poly is so much easier. Lecturers were so helpful and they always came to help whenever we struggled. At uni, we had to do everything ourselves – sourcing for materials, debugging…and the deadlines are usually very tight!”

Then I said:“Now you know….last time still complained that we didn’t ‘feed’ you guys enough notes. Wait till you go out and work. It’s a whole new story again.”

If you want a bed of roses and stress-free life….then stay at home, rot on the bed and play games on Facebook 24/7.

Posted under Thoughts & musings | [2] Comments 

On last Thursday morning, I received SMS from Don after turning on my phone. (I turned off my phone when I sleep).

He said:”Pls give me a call first thing in the morning“. Sent at 12.39am.

And so I called.

The first thing he asked was “HOW ARE YOU?” I thought that was the strangest morning message from him. “Yeah? I’m OK. Why?”

“How are you feeling?”

“I am alright. Look, make it quick cos I need to get prepared for meeting.” (I had a meeting at 9am that day)

“I’m going to tell you something but please do not get upset.”

“uh huh…”

“Your grandfather passed away this morning. Your mom called me because she can’t reach you. Are you going back?”

“……..I guess so. I need to rush now, could you help me to book the air tickets?”

I rushed off for meeting and everything just went fast-forward from then. Just so happened that it was Wesak public holiday eve, all flights going out from Singapore that day were fully-booked. At the end, I had to travel to Johor to take Air Asia to Penang at 10.30pm. Still, the flight was full at the end.

Don sent me off at the airport. He said:“I didn’t expect that you are this calm…comparing to last time when your grandpa was admitted to ICU.”

“Yeah…It’s funny that I don’t feel anything now.”

The entire day was just another day for me. Busy at work, running here and there. But when I touched down at the Penang airport, the reality started to fall in. My cousin came to pick me up at 11.40pm in white top and black pants. Her eyes were very swollen.

On the way to the funeral parlour, she told me what happened at the hospital.
“We couldn’t even make it on time to see grandpa for the very last time. We were 1-2 mins late when we rushed to hospital at midnight. He had internal bleeding in the stomach since afternoon when we visited him. But he didn’t mention anything.”

I was still pretty composed.

It was 12.15am then. When the car pulled over at the funeral parlour, I started to tremble.

I saw my grandpa’s coffin from 200m away from me. My legs shook and I felt dizzy. When my cousin walked me near to the coffin, I started to pour and refused to look at my grandpa’s portrait. I squat down at a corner and cried the loudest ever in my life. My family members all came to me and started sobbing with me.

It took me an hour, to finally walk towards my grandpa. It was the hardest reality I have to face, even till now.

My sister couldn’t make it back from KL. “I have work and don’t think I’m able to come back.” She said. We were heartbroken. We wondered why she could be so cold.

The next morning, I was awoken by mom’s cry. She asked me how she could get my sister to come back. I picked up the phone and all I heard was just sobbing on the other end.

After talking to her for an hour, she finally agreed to come back. But she can only reach around 6pm and have to leave by 12am. “Great”, I said, “As long as you’re back. We all need you here.”

I waited at the gate when I spotted her car from afar. She had a huge towel hanging around her neck with 2 swollen eyes like quail eggs. We hugged the longest time.

“Come, let’s go and see grandpa.”

“No..I don’t want to, I’m scared…” She quivered.

She took another 20 minutes weeping, before walking towards the coffin.

“Che, thanks for making me come back. I was running away…”

“I know, we were all in denial…trying to avoid facing the truth. It took me an hour before going forward. You did better than me.”

It is still pretty surreal to me, to accept that he is gone. I was still massaging his hands and legs the week before. But he reunited us. I am so blessed that I have a great family who supported each other through hard times.

His legacy. My sister and I will reuse his frames. It is a trend now anyway.

Found several “ancient” letters in his safe. We can only understand 70% of the letter (because it is too “high level”) Turned out that they were my great grandfather’s! These letters were sent from China to my g.grandpa to acknowledge that they had received his money. In fact, he sent $140,000 to them to buy land for farming!!!! I wonder how much $140,000 was almost 80 years ago, if a bowl of noodle then was only 2 cents.

We miss you, grandpa…

Posted under Family | [2] Comments 

For the first time, I flew to Penang twice in a week.

I went back to Penang over the weekend for my best friend’s wedding. On saturday evening, my mom called and told me that my grandpa was ill and was sending him to the hospital.

Since then, everything just went past so quickly.

When I visited him at the hospital 2 hours before taking a plane back to Singapore, he still talked to me and his fever subsided. Without thinking much, I told him that I was leaving and waved good bye. He asked:”Where are you going?”

I was surprised because I thought he knew. I answered:“Back to Singapore, ah gong. I have to work tomorrow.” He gave me the longest look ever. I thought he was just being confused. He looked at me as I waved and left the room until he lost sight of me.

——————————————————————————————————–

Monday evening, my mom called me again. She said:”Ah gong is very ill, he is in ICU now. Doctor asked us to be ready….”

I don’t like the sound of it, because I knew he WILL be ok. Nonetheless, I broke down in tears at my cubicle.
The thought of him looking at me that day broke my heart into million pieces.

I decided to go back again 2 days later. Mom said:“Remember to bring a pair of black pants back.”

“For what??!!” I asked.

“Well, just in case…”

I refused to.

She picked me up from the airport and I started crying, all the way to the hospital. My first time crying 3 days in a row.

When we were on the way there, mom’s phone rang. We were very frightened. Any phone call coming from the hospital at this crucial time will put a stop to our hearts. The staff said:“Hi, we’ve transferred the patient to normal ward.”

We thought the doctor had given up treating him. But the staff affirmed us that his condition was alright to be moved out of ICU.

Finally, I saw him. He couldn’t remember my name. I caressed his head and spoke close to his ears.“Ah gong, I’m back again…” He looked at me but didn’t respond. My heart so sore that I broke down in tears again.

For 4 days….I had seen him attaching to tubes and machines. I left on Saturday afternoon. As I bent forward to tell him that I was leaving again, he looked at me and said:“Ah? So fast? How…”

My ah gong can whine and complain now. In just 4 days, I saw his life hanging on the line to whining and complaining…I think I like the whining ah gong better. Our prayers are answered. It’s truly a MIRACLE that he survives….by God’s grace, I’m sure he will live for many years to come.

Posted under Family , Life documentaries | 1 Comment 

My colleague shared with me today, that his 5 year-old said this to him,

“Papa, do you know how much I love you?”

Because my colleague always tells he loves him billion and gazillion times, he challenged the boy,”OK, how much?” *thinking that his son probably couldn’t possibly think of a word that measures more that GAZILLION*

The boy answered:”I don’t have a word to mean how much I love you..”

My colleague was so deeply touched. I was totally blown away.

On the other extreme end…

One day, a friend asked me how he should reply to his boss because his boss sms-ed to thank him for his hard work.

I said,”You can say welcome…or, also thank him for being a nice boss?”

He answered:”Mm..so many thank you’s…..”

“Well, it is not your boss’ first time to say thank you too right? How can saying ‘thank you’ be ‘too many’ times???”

It reminded me of one day, when I quietly think if some are just born being expressive. They have this ability to recognise their feelings, connect it to mind, and verbalise it through words.

Some people find it hard to express gratitude, even to the closest person, and some find saying “I love you” a taboo. These are nice, affirmative and encouraging words….but why is it just so hard for some to verbalise it? Even if it is a win-win situation? I don’t get it…

Posted under Thoughts & musings | 1 Comment 

Wow…I think this is my first time not updating my blog in the longest time!

I am in my last semester and just 6 weeks away from completing my master degree. Time flies…I started last year March and now, I am just spending days and nights to complete my very final projects.

You know, it has been an amazing journey since I started my studies. It has changed my outlook, my goals and perceptions. It makes me see so many things from different perspectives and countless of possible outcomes. But most importantly, my lecturers inspire me to design for a better world which consumes less, a world that is truly FOR the majority – the third world countries, the needy. (Yes, they are the majority)

Since my last entry in the beginning of March, I have been to Hong Kong, visited and interviewed people around Singapore whom I never thought I would have the honour to.

Saw a homeless lady sleeping in the middle of the road and in the midst of ALL BRANDED SHOPS. And no one seems to care….irony isn’t it?

It was almost 4 degrees that night. You can imagine how cold it is..

Back in Singapore, I met a 87 year-old auntie who is single and has been living alone for the past 15 years. She is inspiring, believing that a successful person is independent and have the passion to learn.

Then, a junk-collector who gathers unwanted goods, fix almost all electronic goods under the sun and gives them a new home.

Another man, who has been homeless for the past 2 years. A capable man who has been living by the beach in a tent. He was forced to be homeless, living with a 12 year-old daughter. Though homeless, he still volunteered to help in the Padang disaster relief.

I explored different areas of Singapore for the first time. Met a few homeless people with amazing stories. Contrary to stereotypical perceptions from the society, I have actually gained a life experience and gone to places which I had previously no access to.

I am also currently working on a project with my students. I can’t disclose it for now but am looking forward to share it with you in a month’s time. It’s going to be BIG and INSPIRING…I HOPE!

Posted under Life documentaries | 1 Comment